wasted days

Ah, the irony, this time I’ve got to poo so again I won’t write too long.

I’m talking to Lauren on AIM right now. We had a nice long conversation about how I don’t know people’s names. Which the more I think about it, isn’t entirely true, it’s just bad luck that I didn’t happen to know her name or Casey’s name. I do now, though. I swear I’m such an idiot sometimes. Like, 5 weeks, and I couldn’t figure out their names. I think its a lack of effort. If I really wanted to know their names I would have paid more attention when they were talking to other people. But its always later that I realize I should have paid more attention. Story of my life.

I’m looking out the window across the little bond and into the backyard. The sun is going down, its only 6:12. I’m kinda afraid of October. The month itself is fine, usually I have no problem with it. But by the time October is coming around this particular year it it means I’ve been here for a while, and there aren’t any leaves to rake (Batia made me realize this) and it’s going to start getting cold. Once fall really gets here I hope I don’t go nuts. I doubt anyone would notice, but my head might start screwing with me. It’s been known to happen. Way too often, too.

But back to the backyard. It’s actually really kinda pretty, with the long shadows and orangy-golden light. The lampost lines up with the fountain in the pond perfectly, which is kinda cool. There’s a work bench right in front of the window, with a bunch of pots and a fertilizer spreader and such on it. It kinda adds to the scene, though. The light is fading, though. Maybe its just a cloud, but the shadows can’t really be scene so well and the light is kinda disappearing.

I’d better go do homework or eat or something, as Lauren pointed out I’ve been on the computer for 2 hours now.

I’ve kinda got to pee, so I’m going to make it a bit short today.

I talked to a friend of mine for a while on the phone tonight. She wanted to talk, so we talked. I was really happy to, I think that’s the first time I’ve talked on the phone to someone from New Jersey since moving. It was just good to hear her voice. We talked about nothing in particular and some stuff she had on her mind, it was a nice conversation. I guess she’s probably used to talking to girls on the phone, so she probably expected me to talk more (yes, blatant stereotype on both ends, but its what I’ve found), but whatever. I’ve got to learn to use the phone more.

Today I did my health homework, and sorta wasted the rest of the day. I got invited to go golfing with the Zukoskis tomorrow, and I said I’d go. Unfortunately it’s at 7:15 in the morning, so I’ve got to get some sleep. And I still have to pee, so I’m going to leave.

You know that feeling where something goes wrong, something in your head and your perception of things, and suddenly its all in your head and you can’t stop it and out of nowhere you’re falling, falling, falling, and physically you can’t do anything, phyiscally it begins affecting you, where you want to explode or scream or run or do something to make it stop. I both hate and love that feeling. It provides so much… emotional charge, so much power you can do anything, so long as it fixes the problem. But at the same time you don’t want it to stop, because its such a wonderful, wonderful, beautifully overwhelming emotion.

But then it stops, the moment passes, and you’re now wondering what to do. You want the feeling back, but you’re afraid of it.

Meanwhile I’m listening to Third Eye Blind’s “Motorcycle Drive By” and suddenly there’s another reaction. The sound breeds memories, and now I’m listening to it and they’re all coming back in a rush, and I’m thinking of last summer and all the people I’ve left behind and a trip to Boston that suddenly I’m appreciating for the first time in a while, a formal dance that I smile thinking about and again its the people. A first kiss, a concert in May and a week in the middle of nowhere with some of the best friends I’ve ever known. And I’m wondering what I’ve done, what’s happened, and if its ever going to be the same again. I’m seriously doubting that, and suddenly it’s something that I’m worrying about. Something is over that was, that is, important. There’s a chapter in my life that actually has come to a close, and a definitive one. I guess I’m too used to gradual change.

Of course I get distracted, the song ends, and I no longer have anything to write about.

Today wasn’t such a great day. Nothing really bad happened, but overall it just wasn’t so great. It’s in my head, I know, but that doesn’t help anything. I just had a negative attitude for whatever reason and so I feel like the day wasn’t so good. I’m doing my homework relatively early (right now, actually, took a break in the middle of Chem homework), so I guess that way I’ll have more time later to do stuff. Probably watch some TV and then talk to people online.

Here at Uni I’ve noticed that there isn’t a whole lot of bad stuff going on. Or not bad stuff, as just stuff that you’d expect a high school to have. I guess its entirely possible I just haven’t noticed it yet, but there don’t seem to be drunken parties or much drug use or sex (kissing in the halls isn’t even allowed, which I find both amusing and a bit unnecessary). This one girl was talking about some random event at another school and suddenly I started thinking about this. For some reason I can’t get it out of my head, either, and I don’t know why. It doesn’t seem that important and I don’t think I should care much either way, but for some reason it just sticks. Anyway, it’s nearly 6 and I’ve got to finish that chem homework.

I didn’t do too much today. My homework, for a little over an hour, and that’s about it. Played around with comptuers the rest of the day, almost went to church but missed the service (too late).

Crap, I always think of good things to write here but then by the time I log onto Blogger a few hours later I can’t remember them. So I’m reduced to narrative writing, which is useless because anyone reading this Blog probably already knows what I did that day anyway. Whatever.

I think I’m starting to feel a little homesick. I figured it was going to be really tough to move, but it hasn’t been. But now I’m just sorta beginning to miss some people. It comes and goes. But I was talking to a friend about going back to visit sometime, and suddenly it really got me thinking and now I’m feeling a little homesick. But I guess (I hope) it’ll pass.

I need a girl. As P. Diddy so eloquently (or not) puts it. But that’s a subject for another time.

And I’m out of things to say.

I finally figured out where the name of this Blog comes from: it’s the Less than Jake song I talked about earlier (History of a Boring Town). I didn’t think about that when I named the blog, and didn’t realize it when I mentioned the song below, but it’s been faintly playing in my head and suddenly I made the connection. Wow I’m slow sometimes.

I want to change the template for my blog, but the ones on Blogskins.com are all kinda ugly and similar. I suppose I could write my own, but it would take me a while to make it look halfway decent. Maybe I’ll just change the colors on someone else’s (most of the time the colors are kinda bad). Ooo, I think I’ve found one I like. I’ll try it out and maybe modify it a bit.

Anyway, I just got back from Mark’s house at around 3 in the afternoon. I went to a Solo Mono concert with Mark, Cordelia, and Ben last night. I rode my bike over to Mark’s house around 7 or so. I didn’t find it the first time, so I had to go back, call him, figure out exactly where his house is, and get my mom to drive me over (I was afraid I might be a bit late otherwise). But I got there with time to spare, and we had some spaghetti. Mark was wearing this green bathrobe that looked kinda odd. But whatever.

After that Ross, Mark’s Mom’s boyfriend, drove us over to the IMC, where the show was. I’ve never been there before, it’s a cool place. The space in back where the stage was is this relatively small room, black with various decorations. There were maybe 20-30 people there. Many of them were in the four bands that were playing. But it was still a cool show. I liked Solo Mono’s performance best.

After the show I went back to Mark’s house and slept over. At about 11 we walked over to the gas station near Savoy 16 to get something to drink and eat. I got a Sobe, Mark got a root beer, and we got a big bag of popcorn. It was cold out so I woar one of Mark’s jacket’s. There was also dew on the grass, so to avoid getting my pants all wet I rolled them up to my knees. We must have looked so fucking weird, in cuordoroy jackets, and me with my pants rolled up, wandering around at almost midnight. A bunch of black guys were shouting at us at the gas station, I assume racial slurs of some kind, but we just walked into the convenience store to get some stuff. By the time we got out they were gone.

This morning we walked over to my house, but there was nothing to do, so we went back to Mark’s to watch Taxi Driver. It’s a decent movie, kinda strange, but for it’s time it must have been awfully cutting edge (not to mention violent). After the movie I came back home, now I’m just writing this. I’ve got to go mow the lawn, but maybe I’ll write more later.

I just remembered how much I like Less than Jake. It’s strange how often I forget things that I enjoy. Oh well, it’s all the better when I remember.

Today was quite normal, especially compared to yesterday. So I guess I don’t have much to say. Which is a little odd, since 20 minutes ago I could have sworn I had a bunch of things to write about. Man, am I out of it.

I’ll be back later to maybe post something a bit more interesting.

In the words of Ice Cube, today was a good day. What a stupid way to start off a post. Whatever.

Today a water main broke somewhere or other, and Uni High Gym lost water. But apparently the administration was told that Uni High itself was going to be without water, so they made the decision to close school. We got out at 10:40. With the whole day open, it seemed a shame not to waste it doing something fun. So I went with Mark, Cordelia, Matt, and Ben around campus. We spent a few hours there, had lunch at Za’s and hung out on their couches for a while. Then we rented Chasing Amy and went to Cordelia’s house to watch it. I didn’t get home until about 5:30. I’ve got to do my homework when my dad gets home at 7, since he’s got my backpack. Luckily I don’t have too much to do, though, so it shouldn’t be too much of a pain.

Chasing Amy is actually quite good, I really enjoyed it. Movies often do funny things to me. Like I think about something, usually some aspect of the movie, large or small, and it really affects me mentally or emotionally. I liked the entire movie, but what really got to me from Chasing Amy was the references to suburban New Jersey. These are my roots, I knew a bunch of the places they were talking about. And the weird thing is New Jersey that is different from here. There’s this… I dunno, it’s not describing it right but this sorta pathetic hopelessness and subculture that develops there. Here, in the midst of the ever-present buffer of the fields, there isn’t so much talk about what goes on beyond this city. What is there? Not another large place for many miles. In suburbia, it’s just town after town after town. New Jersey is Less than Jake’s “look what happened” and “history of a boring town.” Here is… I don’t know what yet. But there just isn’t this whole world that there is in Jersey. There’s this huge network of youth, and it’s not so much that you’re a conscious part of it as that you just kinda know its there. Here there isn’t that. Maybe I just can’t detect it, but it just isn’t the same. It’s too self-contained. Or at least that’s how it seems.

It’s late, so little time to write. I need waaay more sleep. Oh well. I ran on empty for all of last year, I guess I can do it again. It sorta messes with me, though, so I was hoping to not have to do that this year. At least I can wake up a half-hour earlier than last year.

“Self Esteem,” by the Offspring. What a great song to play loud. Unfortunately the rest of my family is asleep, so I can’t play it too loud. But I’m gonna blast it when I get home tomorrow. “…this little fit… it happens more than I care to admit” duh-duh-duh-duh. Ah, it’s all good.

I’m going to bed.

Fixed the cable. Turns out it had to do with a virus that spread over my network. Thanks to the lovable nature of cable networks, it was broadcasting over the rest of the system. So they cut my service after a week. It’s all honkey-dorey now, though, so no worries. Here’s what I wrote Monday night but couldn’t post:

The following is from Monday, 9.17.02

Goddamn Internet connection. I get home from school and suddenly it doesn�t work. I�m writing this in Word to later transfer to Blogger. I went through everything, and I think the problem is with the ISP, not with my side. Oh well, it�s kinda nice to not have the temptation of the Internet pulling me away from more pressing matters. I spent almost all my time after school today on homework, but didn�t mind it very much since I knew I didn�t have all that much else to do. Maybe I should have them do this more often. Just sorta randomly shut it off. Or better yet, the electricity. Force me to get outside a little.

I took a bike ride the other day. I only went a mile or so from my house, but it was nice to just go. I think I�ll start doing that more often. It�s liberating to get out of this house. Not that I don�t like it here, its just that I spend too much time indoors. I live off the computer, it�s consumed me. I barely ever use the telephone, and never for long conversations. Why bother, when I can use instant messaging and e-mail instead? I�m a better writer than I am a speaker, and furthermore you can have lengthy conversations with people who you�d never talk to on the phone. The main reason for this is that you can have gaps in conversation, sometimes long ones, and it isn�t awkward at all. It�s just a more convenient method of communication.

We went to lunch at Za�s today. We left early enough to catch the class change around 10:50 or so, and came back late enough to hit the lunch crowd. Today was Yom Kippur as well, so there were younger kids out and about. They were selling cookies or something, I don�t know. I wanted to go up to them and ask one �Why aren�t you in school, young man?� but then I realized that public school�s have off today. It�s too bad we don�t. Of course, everyone gets off for the Christian holidays, but I�m not going to go there.

�So Long Sweet Summer,� by Dashboard Confessional, just finished playing. I really like them as a band. The guy�s voice isn�t particularly good, but I still kinda like it. And the acoustic guitar leads are kinda nice. Mellowing, perhaps, is the right word. Personal musical history is interesting. I, at least, go through genres and bands rather quickly. A year ago I was listening to Staind, then it slowly progressed to something different, less intense. This spring I went through a sorta punk phase, now I�m back to more mellow stuff with some punk mixed in. Within these broader categories there are many more little switches, often temporary. I�m into electronica and techno on-and-off, and every once in a while I like a song that�s sorta drastically different from the rest of my current favorites.

All right that�s enough for today. It�s not even 10, but I�m going to bed. I need the sleep. Perhaps I�ll go watch a little television first. I think 3rd Rock from the Sun might be on, not sure. I�m awaiting the start of the new season. Of course, then I�ll start watching TV a lot more and I�ve barely got time for homework now, but I suppose I�ll make do. Until next time�