Archive for October 4th, 2002


Friday, October 4th, 2002 at about 10:49 pm

I just read Mark and Cordelia’s blogs for the past week or so. I haven’t read theirs at all. It makes me feel good to read about it. It’s a little strange, that we all already know what happened to each other that day, but somehow feel compelled to write about it and then read about each other’s experience’s. It’s like a strange, drawn-out and time-lapsed conversation where none of us are actually looking at one another, but we’re speaking to each other. Doubtless that makes no sense, but whatever.

I should start spell-checking my posts. For example, I don’t know if “doubtless” is even a word. That’s the thing I love about the English language: you can make up words that sound reasonable, and with a bit of verbal finesse other people won’t even notice. It’s strange how that as much as I love the English language, I don’t have the same enthusiasm for others (namely, French). French, a romantic language, you’d think I would embrace it as a medium through which to better express myself. But no. And that’s what I’m discovering: it isn’t English I like, it’s just convenient. What I want is to be able to convey, mind to mind, the raw unadulterated emotion of the human mind. Trying to cram such feeling into any language is a laughable task; it’s impossible. But if I’m careful and I’m feeling creative sometimes I can eek out a decent chunk of prose that adequately describes the current mental state. What saddens me about the entire setup is misinterpretation. Far too often I write something, and when I go back to read it I see that while it says something relatively logical, people are going to take it the wrong way. And it frustrates me, because I’ve got this great idea, this fantastic emotion, and I simply cannot fit it into some arrangement of words. It still comes out as something, but it comes out as something other than what I wanted. I’m getting better, at least. Unfortunately, there’s no end to this, no nirvana after nine simple steps, no one is the perfect writer. I think that’s why I liked math so much, it was more gratifying. You either got the answer right or you didn’t. And once you did, that was it. You were at the top, you had achieved all you possibly could. And all it took to get there was to announce that yes, indeed, 2+2 does equal 4. You have to admit that’s a more satisfying experience than hacking out some random three-paragraph piece on the destruction of monkey habitat and just knowing that it doesn’t really say anything.

Monkeys. There’s a good subject. One for another time, however (I keep saying that, I know, but I promise eventually I’ll get to all these things). My eyes are screwed up from staring at this screen for so long, I can’t distinguish straight lines properly so the edges of the windows are all doubled, and I keep blinking trying to fix it but it just gets worse. I think I need some sleep. In the meantime I’m going to go sit outside and feel this wind. What a wonderfully powerful wind we have, courtesy of Lilly. G’night.

Posted in General
by tom


Friday, October 4th, 2002 at about 9:53 pm

Whoops. Had half a post but then accidentally lost the entire thing. Gotta make sure not to do that in the future.

I don’t know what I would do without TV. Read more books, I guess, but I have the feeling that they wouldn’t provide the same thing that TV does for me: escape. Sure, you can get lost in a book, but much much less often do I get up so caught up in a book the way I get caught up in TV (or a movie). If the story of the show or movie is even remotely compelling, it just gets me all messed up. I get this surge of energy that I don’t know where to direct, I feel like I want to jump or punch or just somehow physically release this energy. It’s a really cool feeling. It’s almost a pity that it comes from something such as television. But the point of all this is that the energy gives me some hope, sometimes. Getting lost in a TV show is all too often such a more preferable way to spend some time than in the suffucating spaces of reality.

I came up with some clever quote upon which to base a ranting paragraph, but I don’t think it’s so great as to warrant one. I don’t even remember exactly what it was, something about staring down the barrel of the proverbial gun with my bloodshot mind’s eye. Yea, that was it. It sounds good enough, but I don’t know how to use it to actually mean something, so I’ll just leave it as it is.

DJ Tiesto’s remix of Sarah McLachlan’s “Silence.” A really good song, good enough to get me into techno for a while. About four minutes into it (or at least the version I’m listening to, the In Search of Sunrise mix from Magik 6) most of the music and bass cuts and her voice is just sorta going, and high, and it’s…. it’s something, not enlightening or anything but “cool” sounds a bit stupid (not to mention overused). Damnit every time a song I just added finishes it goes back to the beginning of the playlist, with the White Stripes’ “Fell in Love with a Girl.” It’s starting to get on my nerves. Never fails, eventually the song at the beginning of the playlist pisses me off.

Anyway, that’s all for tonight. Sleep calls, although I probably won’t go to bed for a while yet.

Posted in General
by tom