Archive for February 17th, 2003

mildly sufficient

Monday, February 17th, 2003 at about 9:48 pm

mildly sufficient

Damnable piano. I’m talking to Cordelia about destruction of it as therapy. What possibly annoys me most is that practicing actually isn’t that painful. I’m now afraid that I’ll have a moment of weakness and keep up lessons, thus allowing myself to be enslaved by it indefinitely. At this point I calm my nerves to the point where I can actually play something by assuring myself that it’s only for this week, and after the next lesson (which I have to go to) I can stop. It’s almost like the opposite of a heroine addiction, or something. I really don’t understand it.

I have neglected my poor blog of late. Well, perhaps the last two days. Still, I should be posting with more…. frequency. I’m not entirely sure why I bother at all. It’s entirely selfish, of this I’m sure. I certainly don’t write this for the benefit of the reader. But then why do I? Perhaps it’s so I can have something to remember this section of my life by. After all, this is essentially a journal. It’s also probably some mild voyeuristic tendency of mine. Or, rather, the opposite of a voyeur. Exhibitionist?

I have this constant craving for music and I never know what it is. I stare at the 1600 tracks in my library and think “none of this is right”. And then I don’t know what to do. So I pick something that isn’t quite right but will at least make me forget how I felt. Forget what it was I needed. Good enough. This is my mantra, how sad. Good enough.

Posted in General
by tom