wasted days

There is this dead racoon or something on Windsor where the speed limit is 45 and I have run over it about three times in the last two days and every time it is more and more mutilated. I went by tonight and it is now just a red pulpy puree of flesh. It’s disgusting.

The weekend is going as planned. Just as good as was planned, too. And it’s not yet over, there’s still some chill time tomorrow, and sleep time tonight. Mmm, sleep. I will sleep soon.

background noise: “Light Up My Room” Barenaked Ladies

Oh my glorious, glorious computer. It’s finally back. I haven’t sat typing at this comuter since mid-June. After going away for 5 and a half weeks it refused to turn on, so I needed a new motherboard. It arrived yesterday, I installed it this morning, and now everything is back. Yay, it makes me so happy. I need to clean up this desk and this room, they’re both filthy. And I need to get used to my keyboard and mouse after months on a laptop. But now things are finally back to normal, I have a 19″ screen and a very fast processor, and it’s all good. Hooray.

background noise: “A Thousand Days” Offspring (holy shit its good to have a subwoofer again)

A very bad habit I have is obsessively checking people’s profiles. I’ve gone through most of my buddy list about 5 times in the past 3 minutes. Every time there’s a change in conversation I check the person’s profile. It doesn’t even make any sense, I don’t know why the fuck I do it. It’s really annoying.

My relationship with my parents, and indeed anything involving my parents these days, seems to be based solely on what’s practical. Yes, we talk, but we just talk about the furniture. That’s it. How to decorate the fucking house, and what’s happening this weekend, and what happened in school today. It’s so mind numbing it’s incredible. I’ve decided that I need to change that. I need some fucking idealism, I need to talk about something that’s actually the slightest bit interesting. I can do it with my friends and with other adults, I don’t see why I can’t do it with them. I had a particularly pleasant conversation with Annie today. Spurred on by this and a pep talk from Zoë (who can talk about anything with her parents, as can I) I tried to bait my mom into saying something about religion after school today. I ask if she thinks we’re going to start going to church again, now that we’re back home and settled down. She doesn’t know. I say that I’m not sure I really agree with all of it anymore, and I’m not sure if I want to go. All I got was some non-commital grunts and a comment about how my sister Amy hasn’t had any exposure to it, unlike me (I at least went to Bible study on my own accord for a few years). My mom didn’t seem interested. I’m not giving up, I’ll drag a topic of some intellectual or entertainment value out of her yet. This just doesn’t look promising. If worse comes to worse I might end up intentionally provoking my parents into having a discussion. Just blatantly go against anything they might agree with (which isn’t terribly obvious, as they mostly keep their opinions to themselves) until they’re forced to say something. We’ll see how things go.

I swear Coke has one incredible genius behind its marketing. Or at least, I did. That “For Everyone” ad had me tripping over its goodness for a while. I just watched it again (thanks to the miracles of the internet) and it wasn’t nearly as impressive as what I remembered. Maybe that should be a lesson to me. Sometimes its better to just leave things in memory.

So now school has actually started. It’s pretty crazy. It’s tiring, and I’ve got to work, and I don’t get to see my friends as much as I’d like. So, bad times. I’m trying to live for the weekends, but that might be unwise, as that means that 5/7th of the time is going to suck. Blah. Going to sleep, tomorrow’s another day.

Summer is ending. I’ve been kind of caught up in this for the past few weeks now, but it’s pretty much here. Today and tomorrow, and that’s it. Oddly enough, it seems less real now than every before. I think, “School’s starting” and it no longer evokes any kind of strong reaction. I don’t think I believe it anymore. Which is good. I’ve decided I need to live a little more in the present. There’s always something bad that will be happening some time in the future, and I tend to fixate on that too much. But I’m changing. Now I’m just happy to be able to spend a nice Saturday having fun, then a good Sunday partying before the final hammer falls and the death bells toll for the end of summer. Maybe I’ll go to church tomorrow, I don’t know. Actually, I probably won’t. I haven’t been since Easter, I think. Going this often seems fake, stupid, useless. But I want to go sometimes, I really do. My mother finally took interest in going, after I don’t know how long of not caring. She’s not extremely motivated, but at least she’s given it some thought. So we’ll see how that works out.

background noise: “Down in Flames” Semisonic

Zuke and I went to the Habitat for Humanity Homeworks store today. It’s a cool place. If I was furnishing an apartment I’d definitely get some stuff from there. It’s just random bits of house and interior, all used. $30 couches and stoves abound, plus cheap 2×4s and such. And the middle aged women working there were just bubbling over with enthusiasm and niceness. Zuke bought this light socket outlet adapter thing for 25 cents and gave the rest of the dollar to their charitable thing. I think my dad and I might do a Habitat thing, he seemed to want to, so maybe next summer or sometime.

background noise: “California” Semisonic

Driving has made this town seem so fucking small it’s ridiculous. I’ve driven from one end to the other and back and suddenly realize that there’s nothing here. I think, “Hey, now I can go wherever I want!” Then I suddenly realize, “But there’s nowhere to go.” Such is life. Convenience may breed boredom, but it’s still convenient, so I’ll stick with it.

For all of you who are bored out of your minds with summer: At 11:00 p.m. Central time Sundays through Thursdays watch FLCL on Cartoon Network. It will blow your fucking mind. It doesn’t make any sense at all, but it’s so damn good. Watch it and you’ll see what I mean.