Archive for August, 2003

the american dream

Wednesday, August 20th, 2003 at about 7:26 pm

So today I got my license. Exciting, it’s kind of a thrill to be able to do the poetic thing and just drive. I went until I hit the cornfields and then just kept going, the kind of feeling that long, straight roads afford is relatively unique. Of course, getting my license was a waltz through beaurocratic hell, and involved almost six hours at the DMV, but whatever. I don’t even want to recount the experience.

I have become, in many ways, extremely lazy. I don’t want to do anything anymore. At the same time, smaller things that I used to not like I’m much more willing to do. I don’t mind washing the dishes, but I nearly break down into sobs when I think about homework beginning again. Which, I suppose, is at least a rational way to go. I mean, I used to dread doing stupid little things like mowing the lawn, which now are completely fine, as they should be. Sigh I don’t really understand it, but oh well.

School begins soon. I’ve reached a point where I’ve made it unreal enough in my mind that the thought doesn’t bother me. I essentially have ignored it to the point where it doesn’t seem like it’s actually starting next Monday, so I’m all happy. Hell, it’s only Wednesday. There’s still another what, four whole days left? Enough to have a good time and die in a car accident, so I’m not too concerned.

That’s it for now, folks. Adios

Posted in General
by j. android

the oh well philosophy

Tuesday, August 19th, 2003 at about 4:00 pm

Lately I’ve adopted a policy of indifference on just about everything. It really isn’t terribly healthy. Not only am I not motivated to care about things, but I don’t even get the benefits of not worrying. I worry, but then my final conclusion is “oh well” and I try to move on. But I still worry, just not enough to do anything productive. It’s terrible. And then I realize this, and worry about me worrying and not doing anything, which only perpetuates this hopeless cycle. What’s worse, there isn’t any end in sight. So it goes, I guess. Oh well.

Posted in General
by j. android

blah blah blah /choke/

Saturday, August 16th, 2003 at about 7:47 pm

So I’m in New Jersey again. My dad and I flew out here Thursday, met my friend Max at the airport, then took a stretch limo down to the beach. That was pretty nice. My friend Max stayed with us a couple days, he just left. We leave ourselves tomorrow morning, around 5 or so. It’s a 15 hour drive back to Illinois, so that’s going to be a long day. But I’ve done it twice before, so I don’t think it’ll be so bad. I’ll just listen to music and sleep, as always.

Yesterday and today Max and I taught ourselves how to skimboard. It isn’t very hard, but since we didn’t have a single clue how to go about it we fell down a lot. So my ass kinda hurts right now, but oh well. It’s not summer unless you’re sunburned and soar, and I am both. I like it here, the ocean is nice. But there’s plenty waiting for me back in Illinois, so I’m not too sad about my little jaunt back to the coast ending almost as soon as it begins. I’ve had plenty of ocean this summer, thankfully.

I’ve begun reading this book, The Dharma Bums, by Jack Kerouac. It’s quite good, Zoë gave it to me for my birthday. It’s meaning something to me, at least, and a book hasn’t done that for a while. I need to start reading more again.

I have decided that while my life is interesting, it doesn’t really come off that way when written down. I mean, honestly, this can’t be that fascinating. So I’ve decided I should start doing more creative extemporaneous (can’t spell) writing. Short essays on topics with slightly more depth than where I went to lunch. I’m going to try writing only when I actually have something to say (read: less often). Let’s see how that goes.

Posted in General
by j. android

the endless days of summer finally begin to draw to a close

Tuesday, August 12th, 2003 at about 9:09 pm

So in the dawn hours of Thursday I’ll be going back to New Jersey to get my mom and sister, see a good friend of mine, and then drive back to Illinois on Sunday. And so ends two of the best weeks I’ve had in a while. All I’ve done recently is laze around relaxing, going out to lunch occasionally, and spending as much time as possible with my friends and with Zoë. It’s been a really fucking good time. But all good things must end, right? And so as summer draws to a close, I can be content in knowing that I have had a great time these few months.

background noise: “Annabel Lee” Tiger Army

Posted in General
by j. android

‘party like you don’t need to work’

Tuesday, August 12th, 2003 at about 8:33 am

I am having one hell of a week.

background noise: “I see you baby” groove armada [fatboy slim mix]

Posted in General
by j. android

one sentence for a lifetime

Sunday, August 10th, 2003 at about 1:31 am

I want all of you to describe yourselves in one sentence. One sentence, that’s all you get. There’s something about condensing an entire consciousness to one simple utterance that has a sort of shocking, sensible simplicity to it. Your sentence changes as you get older. People change, of course. But at any given point to look at yourself as nothing more than a few choice words arranged according to decent syntax, that’s a pretty powerful thing, isn’t it? I’m all about the simplicity, all about contained power of description. I happen to be terrible at it: I’m about as long-winded as they come. And, noting this, I’m going to leave it at that.

Posted in General
by j. android

‘in the chill of november’

Thursday, August 7th, 2003 at about 9:15 pm

I haven’t done anything productive in about 4 days now. I guess I’d better do something to make sure I don’t feel like a lazy piece of shit. Although, come to think of it, considering I haven’t done anything in days I guess I kinda am lazy. Oh well, that’s what summer is for. I just need to be sure that I’m not too lazy once school starts.

I noticed today that I tend to pick the number 8 when asked to rate something between 1 and 10 and I’m fond of it. I don’t like the extremes, and even 9 seems like something really special. So when I like something or feel reasonably sure about something, I pick 8. Go figure.

Black cats they scurry by in the night.
They tell me where you are.
In the chill of november
and now the kingdom is in ruins.
Just a memory of you and me.
Will you release me?

background noise: “Annabel Lee” Tiger Army

Posted in General
by j. android

laying on my back staring at the clouds

Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 at about 11:30 pm

So they say that these are the best days of our lives. Between about 5 and 25, you’re set. And, the more I think about it, the more I think they’re right. These are the days of emotional instability and lack of direction and fucking up. These are the endless days of boredom and pain and despair. These are the days when your friends mean more to you than your family does, and that might not be saying much.

These are also the days when you can stay up all night and try to shrug it off, when you can discover most of what life has to offer and appreciate some of it. The rest is just boring shit, but at least there’s the chance it’ll mean something later.

I don’t want to get old. I want to stay 16 forever, yea. Don’t we all. But what I don’t want to do this whole live fast die young thing, either. I don’t see the point in it. I’ll live as I will, but I fully intend on living until I’m a decent age. I know its the typical teenage invicibility thing, but it’s a fine line I’m walking between living like I’ll survive forever and like I’m dieing tomorrow.

Man I’m so full of shit sometimes its ridiculous. That’s enough of this.

Posted in General
by j. android

‘protect me protect me’

Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 at about 11:01 pm

So today I watched Blow and American History X. So now I’m scared of

a) cocaine
b) drug dealers
c) nazis
d) gangs
e) prison

But I’ve got this friend who I just talked to for the first time in weeks and I’m feeling pretty good about it. So I’m just going to forget about whatever it was I was trying to prove with that list.

background noise: “Protect Me from What I Want” Placebo

Posted in General
by j. android

oh dear…

Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 at about 7:58 pm

OK, now, I have no problem with rather unorthodox political candidates, including Arnold Schwarzenegger. Granted, I’m not fond of Republican candidates in general, but he’s just as serious as the other contenders. That article, however, clearly isn’t so approving. That or they just wanted to have a little fun, because the last paragraph is:

Other challengers include columnist Arianna Huffington, Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt, Hollywood billboard queen Angelyne and porn star Marcy Carey.

Comparing him to a billboard queen and two separate porn industry symbols doesn’t seem very flattering, now does it?

Posted in General
by j. android