Archive for August 6th, 2003

laying on my back staring at the clouds

Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 at about 11:30 pm

So they say that these are the best days of our lives. Between about 5 and 25, you’re set. And, the more I think about it, the more I think they’re right. These are the days of emotional instability and lack of direction and fucking up. These are the endless days of boredom and pain and despair. These are the days when your friends mean more to you than your family does, and that might not be saying much.

These are also the days when you can stay up all night and try to shrug it off, when you can discover most of what life has to offer and appreciate some of it. The rest is just boring shit, but at least there’s the chance it’ll mean something later.

I don’t want to get old. I want to stay 16 forever, yea. Don’t we all. But what I don’t want to do this whole live fast die young thing, either. I don’t see the point in it. I’ll live as I will, but I fully intend on living until I’m a decent age. I know its the typical teenage invicibility thing, but it’s a fine line I’m walking between living like I’ll survive forever and like I’m dieing tomorrow.

Man I’m so full of shit sometimes its ridiculous. That’s enough of this.

Posted in General
by j. android

‘protect me protect me’

Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 at about 11:01 pm

So today I watched Blow and American History X. So now I’m scared of

a) cocaine
b) drug dealers
c) nazis
d) gangs
e) prison

But I’ve got this friend who I just talked to for the first time in weeks and I’m feeling pretty good about it. So I’m just going to forget about whatever it was I was trying to prove with that list.

background noise: “Protect Me from What I Want” Placebo

Posted in General
by j. android

oh dear…

Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 at about 7:58 pm

OK, now, I have no problem with rather unorthodox political candidates, including Arnold Schwarzenegger. Granted, I’m not fond of Republican candidates in general, but he’s just as serious as the other contenders. That article, however, clearly isn’t so approving. That or they just wanted to have a little fun, because the last paragraph is:

Other challengers include columnist Arianna Huffington, Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt, Hollywood billboard queen Angelyne and porn star Marcy Carey.

Comparing him to a billboard queen and two separate porn industry symbols doesn’t seem very flattering, now does it?

Posted in General
by j. android

‘i’m so sane its driving me crazy’

Wednesday, August 6th, 2003 at about 6:24 pm

Every once in a while I am brought to the always-surprising realization that I live almost entirely in my own little world. Now I know most people say this, but I usually don’t consider it true of myself. I am, and always have been, quite aware of my surroundings. What surprises me is that after growing bored of them I always wander - without realizing it - off into completely different trains of thought. What’s more, usually many aspects of my interaction in these unrealities gets let through into my actual self. So about half my speech I actually say, and half my motions I actually make. My most recent revelation came as I was bounding down the stairs, shouting something to an imaginary pair of parents at whose door I was standing with a drunk girl in my arms. I reached the bottom of the stairs, came back to reality, and became aware of the fact that I looked completely insane.

So, what does this mean? Very little. Everyone does this to some extent, I think. Then again, most crazy people think they’re ridiculously sane. But I refuse to play the part of the annoying teenager who thinks he’s so tragically mentally fucked up. Because I’m perfectly happy, I don’t think I’m crazy, I just think I have a reasonably active imagination and shall leave it at that.

background noise: “Sleeping with Ghosts” Placebo

Posted in General
by j. android