Archive for August 23rd, 2003

‘it’s not the pain i’m used to it’

Saturday, August 23rd, 2003 at about 11:13 am

Summer is ending. I’ve been kind of caught up in this for the past few weeks now, but it’s pretty much here. Today and tomorrow, and that’s it. Oddly enough, it seems less real now than every before. I think, “School’s starting” and it no longer evokes any kind of strong reaction. I don’t think I believe it anymore. Which is good. I’ve decided I need to live a little more in the present. There’s always something bad that will be happening some time in the future, and I tend to fixate on that too much. But I’m changing. Now I’m just happy to be able to spend a nice Saturday having fun, then a good Sunday partying before the final hammer falls and the death bells toll for the end of summer. Maybe I’ll go to church tomorrow, I don’t know. Actually, I probably won’t. I haven’t been since Easter, I think. Going this often seems fake, stupid, useless. But I want to go sometimes, I really do. My mother finally took interest in going, after I don’t know how long of not caring. She’s not extremely motivated, but at least she’s given it some thought. So we’ll see how that works out.

background noise: “Down in Flames” Semisonic

Posted in General
by j. android