wasted days

Another action-packed day of vacation. I am enjoying myself oh-so-much. In the morning Zoe and I discovered the seizure-inducing joys of grindcore and cartoons on fast forward. I came home for a bit, then went out shopping (wandering aimlessly from store to store) with Anita, Kimmy, and Ma’ayan. It was fun. And it’s 8:46, so the night is young enough for me to play Baldur’s Gate (regrettably I am addicted one again to computer games) for hours still! Life is good.

Did it snow yesterday? I don’t remember. But yea, it must have. A snowy Thanksgiving. I wonder when that last happened. Probably recently, I just don’t remember. But now Thanksgiving is over. Winter approaches, and seems to have arrived now in the form of snowy overcast skies and cold dry air. It’s not all bad, I get used to the cold pretty fast.

I keep running my hand through my hair and feeling my stitches. It doesn’t hurt, but I’m still afraid to touch them. They come out Tuesday. I’m half-hoping I’ll have a scar, so that if I shave my head I can think of fun stories for it. Or even if I don’t shave my head, I can rub my scar as a motion I always make. Something a semi-mysterious literary character would do. It just seems cool.

Oh crap I just smelled the muffins I’m making burning. I forgot about them completely. I hate not remembering anything.

background noise “Tarantula” Faithless

Thanksgiving in middle America. Today being the 27th, it was also Zoë’s birthday. So in the morning I went over to play football with her family and some of their friends. But football isn’t her thing, so we escape to discover how dead this town is on a bleak Thanksgiving day. We decide to have our own Thanksgiving feast. After driving all over and realizing that nowhere is open, we find salvation at (where else?) IHOP. The shining beacon of hope that it is to the stereotypical teenagers looking for a bite to eat and a place to relax, we settle down. After our wonderful meal of french toast and chocolate chip pancakes, we head over to Orchard Downs for a walk in the park in the cool November air under a surreal overcast sky. It was one of those times when you feel you could just pass out from the overwhelming emotion of it all.

background noise: songs from “Outrospective”, Faithless

Anti-Flag/Against Me! show in Chicago last night. It was fun, crowded, and sweaty. A decent combination. My clothes were pretty nasty, sopping wet with sweat. But my stitches held, didn’t even hurt. Ben’s back hurt him, which sucked. I got a cool Anti-Flag shirt, though. I’m pretty tired, despite 8 hours of blissful sleep. I must go do laundry and homework soon. What fun.

background noise: “Idiotheque” Radiohead

As we get older, our SNs, magically, no longer contain nothing but stupid common words and endless strings of numbers. Great Scot! I think we’re getting more creative.

So today I had this mole removed from the back of my scalp. It was great fun. They shaved off a tiny bit of my hair around it, then injected some local anesthetic around it. After it was numb, they just cut it off, it bled like crazy apparently, so they stopped up the bleeding and codorized the wound. That was kinda freaky, because I could hear whatever tool they use to do that buzzing and could feel the warmth from where they were like welding my skull back together (well, not quite, but that sounds cooler). Then 7 stitches, and I’m on my way. I get the stitches out in 2 weeks. It’s kinda raw that I’ve got a head wound, and it doesn’t really hurt, but it’s not that great. I got to miss some school and 4 days of PE though, so that’s something. So yea, check out the back of my head.

It’s been raining entirely too much lately. These past two weeks have been… wet. Where did those beautiful rainless clouds of October disappear to? Gone like the falling leaves. I’m going to miss fall.

wind in time
rapes the flower
trembling on the vine
nothing leads to shelter

but I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose here in this lonely place
tangled up in our embrace
there’s nothing I’d like better than to fall

background noise: “Fear” Sarah McLachlan [hybrid supercollider remix]

Mind over matter. There’s an interesting concept. Can you will yourself to fly? I doubt it, but I wouldn’t mind trying sometimes. Mind over mind. I’d rather try flying than to conquer myself. These days I’ve been feeling particularly out of control of my own thoughts. Sometimes I just sit there and can actually feel myself fighting between various emotions. Happiness gets clobbered by complacency gets replaced by despair then diluted to apathy leads to acceptance which begrudingly admits to happiness. Over and over again, in 15 minute cycles. Or sometimes its even simpler, I manage to feel blandly happy and sad at the same time, each gaining minute edges over one another and sloshing back and forth. Acceptance seems to be key to many of my plans. I wonder if that’s a bad thing. But at the bottom of Pandora’s box there was hope, mankind’s saving grace. I can still laugh at myself, which I take as a very good sign. So I chuckle at my self importance and think about something else.

Ugh, what a weekend. Sleepless fucked up night on Saturday, stayed at home today and recovered. Family went to Chicago. Would have liked to have gone, but didn’t have it in me. Having a mole removed on Tuesday. Local anesthesia, probably, but might not go back to school. Should go to practice, though, as time is of the essense there. Began Frankenstein. Took an hour to read 24 pages. At least the day was relaxing, mostly. Am working on acceptance of life as it is. Moderate success. These days are going to kill me, I fucking swear.

Looks like another busy weekend. Hung out with my favorite daughter of a king, we went to the Blackouts show at Cafe Paradisio. Mags and Zoe Swords were there hanging around, so we talked with them for a while before they left. Then was the show, and now I’m back at home. Tomorrow I think I’ll go to the lecture on relativity, do my homework, and then whenever that’s done go to All Ages Fest. Which all of you Champaign-Urbana youths should come to, and appreciate the fact that 18 bands are playing somewhere on the same day and you can see all of them. Channing Murray (on Goodwin South of Green) from 2 pm until 11 or 12. Sunday I’m going to Chicago, seeing the Manet and the Sea exhibit at the Art Institute. I’ve got the afternoon to kill with my dad up there, so if anyone has suggestions on interesting ways to spend a Sunday afternoon in Chicago, I’d love to hear them.

background noise: “I Love You” Sarah McLachlan [BT remix]

Yea, so since I forgot my one necessary book, I’ve got no real homework. Well, yea I just remembered I do, but I’m not gonna worry. A relatively free night. And nothing on TV to distract me, either. Wonderful. I must make the most of this. I’m thinking AIM, Baldur’s Gate II, reading, maybe messing with Adobe GoLive. It’s going to be a fun time.

background noise: “midnight in a perfect world” dj shadow

Why has that song gotten so much cooler since I first listened to it?