Archive for November, 2003

‘ like a polaroid picture ‘

Sunday, November 9th, 2003 at about 4:51 pm

Mmm, a long night. Had the final performance of the play, which we sorta fucked up but overall was still all right. Afterwards went to the cast party, then to IHOP, then sat in Eli’s car waiting for the sun to come up. I made it home by 6. Slept until 1, completely wasted the day, and now I’m waiting for Ben to come over. He’s sleeping here tonight, his parents are off somewhere. Fun times.

background noise: “Hey Ya” Outkast

Posted in General
by j. android

‘ we just look a lot better in the blue light ‘

Friday, November 7th, 2003 at about 11:24 pm

2 performances of the play are down, 1 left. Sleeping blissfully late tomorrow, doing nothing all day, then the play and a late night out. It’s going to be good. And for now, I can sit around until late playing computer games and talking to people online and just in general regressing into all of the wonderful things that I have missed, at some level, whether I’ll admit it or not.

background noise: “Hangin’ Around” Counting Crows

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by j. android

deus ex machina, my soul takes flight

Sunday, November 2nd, 2003 at about 8:12 pm

Taking Bio this year is completely changing the way I think about my mind and body. All I can see myself as is a contained sum of chemical reactions. Every thought, every emotion, every movement, every heartbeat, what is it really? Something my consciousness devises, a literal interpretation of my soul? Or a result of another chemical surge? Maybe both. I still cannot convince myself that the jump between movement and reaction and actual consciousness can take place without some pseudo-divine intervention. I am a mass of substances governed by a soul. But do I only think this because I do not know enough about the structure of a mind to attribute everything to the most atheistic form of science? I would prefer to stick to my idealistic notions of my own supernatural nature. How long can I hold on to them?

Posted in General
by j. android

my mind is a machine

Sunday, November 2nd, 2003 at about 8:02 pm

I think, “It’s probably better to keep busy, you don’t want to be bored you’ll only make yourself sad”. So now I’m busy. I am again led to believe, however, that everything is superficial. Once you’re used to something, the intensity of emotion levels off. The receptors die out on your neurons or whatever, and it’s just back to the same old neutral status, affected in the same ways by different events. It’s part of the amazing adaptability of the human species. We just sort of learn to live with whatever we have to. This is all relatively speaking, of course. I can only speak from my perspective, and I am the first to admit I have never gone through any real hardship. But that only serves to illustrate the point: considering the ridiculously fortunate circumstances of my life, it’s really rather astonishing how much things can affect me. I therefore assume that we are affected on a relative level, and adapt to whatever our situation is.

background noise: “Bulletproof Cupid” Placebo

Posted in General
by j. android