Archive for November 2nd, 2003

deus ex machina, my soul takes flight

Sunday, November 2nd, 2003 at about 8:12 pm

Taking Bio this year is completely changing the way I think about my mind and body. All I can see myself as is a contained sum of chemical reactions. Every thought, every emotion, every movement, every heartbeat, what is it really? Something my consciousness devises, a literal interpretation of my soul? Or a result of another chemical surge? Maybe both. I still cannot convince myself that the jump between movement and reaction and actual consciousness can take place without some pseudo-divine intervention. I am a mass of substances governed by a soul. But do I only think this because I do not know enough about the structure of a mind to attribute everything to the most atheistic form of science? I would prefer to stick to my idealistic notions of my own supernatural nature. How long can I hold on to them?

Posted in General
by j. android

my mind is a machine

Sunday, November 2nd, 2003 at about 8:02 pm

I think, “It’s probably better to keep busy, you don’t want to be bored you’ll only make yourself sad”. So now I’m busy. I am again led to believe, however, that everything is superficial. Once you’re used to something, the intensity of emotion levels off. The receptors die out on your neurons or whatever, and it’s just back to the same old neutral status, affected in the same ways by different events. It’s part of the amazing adaptability of the human species. We just sort of learn to live with whatever we have to. This is all relatively speaking, of course. I can only speak from my perspective, and I am the first to admit I have never gone through any real hardship. But that only serves to illustrate the point: considering the ridiculously fortunate circumstances of my life, it’s really rather astonishing how much things can affect me. I therefore assume that we are affected on a relative level, and adapt to whatever our situation is.

background noise: “Bulletproof Cupid” Placebo

Posted in General
by j. android