Archive for November 16th, 2003

what do you know?

Sunday, November 16th, 2003 at about 6:39 pm

Mind over matter. There’s an interesting concept. Can you will yourself to fly? I doubt it, but I wouldn’t mind trying sometimes. Mind over mind. I’d rather try flying than to conquer myself. These days I’ve been feeling particularly out of control of my own thoughts. Sometimes I just sit there and can actually feel myself fighting between various emotions. Happiness gets clobbered by complacency gets replaced by despair then diluted to apathy leads to acceptance which begrudingly admits to happiness. Over and over again, in 15 minute cycles. Or sometimes its even simpler, I manage to feel blandly happy and sad at the same time, each gaining minute edges over one another and sloshing back and forth. Acceptance seems to be key to many of my plans. I wonder if that’s a bad thing. But at the bottom of Pandora’s box there was hope, mankind’s saving grace. I can still laugh at myself, which I take as a very good sign. So I chuckle at my self importance and think about something else.

Posted in General
by j. android

self-destructive

Sunday, November 16th, 2003 at about 6:27 pm

Ugh, what a weekend. Sleepless fucked up night on Saturday, stayed at home today and recovered. Family went to Chicago. Would have liked to have gone, but didn’t have it in me. Having a mole removed on Tuesday. Local anesthesia, probably, but might not go back to school. Should go to practice, though, as time is of the essense there. Began Frankenstein. Took an hour to read 24 pages. At least the day was relaxing, mostly. Am working on acceptance of life as it is. Moderate success. These days are going to kill me, I fucking swear.

Posted in General
by j. android