I was lowered to the point of watching CSPAN and trying to remember to blink. British Parliament is surprisingly sarcastic, old coots. Maybe I need more homework, or something. Yea, like that would solve anything.
That problem seems to have gone away. I am throwing myself at life with the resolve (or reckless abandon, I can’t tell which) appropriate. It seems to be working well enough.
I’m feeling a little removed. In Better Luck Tomorrow, which I saw for a second time last night, they talk about breaking the cycle of happiness. I don’t know how relevant that is, but I suppose I do see the appeal in just doing something different. In fact, I’m completely thrilled whenever anything out of the ordinary happens. But not majer, world-changing types of things. Just little things. The earnest and highly polite discussion that ensues when I have to miss a class for something, or get sick and need to go home, or just whenever something not in the prescribed order of things happens. In the spirit of spontaneity, I drove to County Market and got a box of Froot Loops at 9 o’clock on this Sunday night. It was supposed to make me feel better. At least it took my mind off of… whatever I was thinking about before.
Damnit, it happened again. This time with SAT II tests, which aren’t even an immediate concern. It wasn’t as severe this time, though. So that’s something, I guess, but maybe that just has to do with the fact that it isn’t as immediate. Goal: Deal with challenges without fleeing in terror or freaking out.
I went this way
just to see
what would become
of little old me
background noise: “Longview” Green Day
I am one of the most useless human beings I know. I have a highly bizarre switch built into me. Whenever I am faced with the prospect of actually doing something or having to take charge of myself, I break down and can’t do it. It happened today. I had to go get a haircut, and my mom was demanding that I get it done, and I just freaked out. I mean, a haircut? How complicated is that? And I did it, later, after calming down. But this isn’t going to work in the long run.
background noise: “Deceptacon” Le Tigre
just talked to this girl
used to live ere on my street
whoao-o-o
after all these years you’re here
and you still remember me
Or so Less than Jake claims, at least. It’s fun to talk to people you haven’t talked to in a while. Even if it is about nothing. Right now I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to do next summer. I’ve got plenty of ideas on what I want to do, but that’s entirely a separate matter. I’d like to go on the Italy trip, then instead of coming home with everyone else take the train and go maybe stay at my aunt and uncle’s summer house in Switzerland. Try to actually use my (admittedly terrible) French. Well, maybe not the French part. But at least travel a little in Europe. That would be rockin’. And afterwards, fly back to New Jersey and crash at someone’s house. That’d be ideal.
so let’s take another drink
and here’s to the past
Bowling lanes and I’m going insane. Zuke and I went bowling, but it just hurt my eyes and ears. They played loud music and it was like pseudo-cosmic bowling, and the place was crowded with stupid drunken 20-somethings. I did not enjoy it. Ah, if only the Union hadn’t been closed. Oh well.
Back at school. I threw myself at it with a bizarre sort of fanaticism. Who knows what that was fueled by, all I know is that I woke up at 6:30 and wasn’t tired, unlike every day during winter break when I slept as long as I could and never had any energy. I had a couple lows during the day, but mostly managed to just cruise. Thank God for good moods.
Oh no! School starts in 36 hours, and I’ve got nothing to do tonight! Grr…
Excessive use of inside jokes in AIM profiles. It just doesn’t seem to be worth it, and annoying. I’m not exactly sure what should go in a profile, but a long list of one sentence nonsensical private jokes are definitely not it. Is it a bad sign that my opinions seem to often be related to AIM?
I watched Requiem for a Dream today. Crazy movie. It’s like a two hour jean commercial with a depressing plot and more nudity. But it was good, definitely. So stylized, I love it.
background noise: “Left Me for Dead” Rob Dougan
One of the best feelings in the world must be the exhausted relief I feel right after throwing up. Sitting there, unmoving, clutching the toilet bowl, idling regarding the bits of vomit a few inches from my face, it feels so much better to have whatever was making me ill outside of my body and tangible. Not that I would want to touch it, exactly, but it’s nice to know that it isn’t inside me anymore. And even though I might not suddenly be cured, my body just feel infinitely better. My stomach is appeased, it’s now empty and has no more responsibility. All the nausea that was making me so miserable goes right out into the toilet along with the stomach acid. It’s nearly euphoric.