“Choad,” said Mr. Butler. The entire Big Show cast fell into peels of laughter. “Choad!” he repeated, again to our immense satisfaction. He didn’t know what the word meant, but we didn’t care. Mr. B thought the word was fun to say, and we found it delightful to hear an authority figure utter it. This was quite appropriate, as humor is central to the word in terms of both meaning and usage.
Choad has a variety of definitions, some figurative, some literal, and almost all amusing to some extent. The basic literal definition is a penis wider than it is long. Furthermore, choad can denote the area between the genitalia and the anus, more technically the perineum. However, these definitions are obviously of limited practical use: there’s already a word for the perineum and a penis wider than it is long is something of a rarity. The frequency with which “choad” is used at Uni High would indicate other, less specific senses of the word.
The figurative definitions of choad are much broader than their literal brethren. When using “choad” in the descriptive sense it may be tied to the literal definition. “That guy looks like a such a choad” would indicate that the subject is probably relatively short and of a fairly stocky build. It is extremely doubtful that he is wider than he is tall, so exaggeration is key in usage. This sense of the word gave rise to the first example of usage at Uni. David Stolarsky was nicknamed Choad when his friends discovered the word. He doesn’t actually resemble a penis, and he’s a good deal taller than he is wide, but he is a bit stout. When the word was discovered it was immediately decided that someone had to be named after it, and David most closely resembled a choad. This sense of the word, used to describe people, exists beyond the Uni vernacular and is used throughout younger domestic populations. At Uni, however, “choad” has evolved even further. Beyond David Stolarsky’s nickname, “choad” has come to be related to a certain variety of subtle humor. The exact nature of this humor is difficult to pin down, but it’s often marked by a penchant for puns. From this we derive an adjective form as well, “choady.” For example, one might remark that the opening sentence of this paragraph is a bit choady.
The general etymology of “choad” is not as well known as its history within Uni High. There is no entry for “choad” in the OED, but with the help of a little speculation we can trace a general history of the word. There is a word “choad” in the Indian vernacular that’s roughly comparable to the English “fuck.” The word may have therefore entered the language through the British colonization of the Indian subcontinent. More recently, it was used in some underground comics in the 1960s, but didn’t really catch on until popularized by members of the alt.tasteless Usenet group. Since then, media references in the likes of Beavis and Butthead and South Park have effectively solidified “choad”’s position in the contemporary vulgar English vernacular.
While it isn’t a particularly nice word, “choad” is nevertheless fun to say and use. And given its current status as an unregulated vulgarity, we should feel free to make use of it whenever even vaguely appropriate.
by j. android
