express yourself">express yourself

I’m having issues with expression. That sounds ridiculously inane and bluntly teenage, but, well, I think it’s true. I find myself drowning in emotions (good, bad, neutral, whatever) and having absolutely nothing to do with them. Changes in my life (however superficial) have led me to become somewhat self-contained, in the sense that I now tend to just sit there and go through emotional cycles and inward conflict with little or no outward output. And one of the reasons for that, methinks, is the stop to my writing here. I have nothing to write about in terms of my life. It’s not that there’s nothing happening, it’s simply that there is nothing that I feel like writing down here (or really anywhere else). While it previously entertained me to write detailed accounts of my days here, by now I have written enough so that such writings serve no function. If the nature of my life changes dramatically then perhaps that would warrant writing in that vein, but until then it’s of no use. So what do I write about? I want to write about something, it feels good and I enjoy it. Lately I’ve been taking to writing about not writing, but that obviously has a limited appeal.

This needs further thought. Perhaps written down, instead of solely in my head like everything else. I need to figure out what interests me and then try to talk about it. Only I sometimes get the sense that if I solely do that (that is, solely talk about topics that I come up with, rather than being open to other areas of discussion) no one will really care.

background noise: “Today was a Good Day” Ice Cube [remix]

10 Responses to “express yourself”

  1. mark Says:

    ive been through hours, weeks probably of inner turmoil which has gotten me nothing but a reputation for being an asshole. try to say “fuck it” and forget it. whatever it is, try to rationalize why it isn’t worth it. if you do it enough, you can convince yourself. and that’s where your troubles end.

  2. tom Says:

    You might just be on to something.

  3. mark Says:

    man, that post made me sound like those guys who post all over josie’s blog.

  4. mark Says:

    the difference between us, though, is that you take notice of your little internal debates and try to get it out. i usually get too caught up in mine to see it from a larger perspective.

    arrrg.

  5. tom Says:

    Larger perspective helps most of the time, but it also doesn’t do much for self-importance. Probably because we aren’t very important.

  6. mark Says:

    whatever. nothing can’t be cured by:

    getting shit-faced.

  7. tom Says:

    until you’re down again, and realize that things have only gotten worse

  8. mark Says:

    get drunk again!

  9. theBABYsnatcher Says:

    that’s an idea.

  10. name Says:

    lol! zuke is a faggot! lol!!

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