looked in the mirror watched tv lay awake all night

I have been so blissfully calm for the past few days. Good news arrived on Thursday, but while I’m certainly happy it’s not even at the forefront of my mind anymore. Mostly it’s just the greatness of not having any impending responsibility. For a few days, at least. It’s all I can ask for, and all I want. I realized that thinking about Christmas, there’s not a lot I can think of that I could even convince myself I want, much less anything I really desire. Some things are nice, I suppose, but I’m really happy to be past it all. The season’s a little alarming, now — I don’t really relate to the consumerist urge anymore, I guess.

This Thursday I have to do the radio show alone, while Anita’s in India. I’m thinking of doing “loneliness,” it seems appropriate given that I’m doing it on my own. Thus far my song list is extensive enough to sustain an hour, but I’m not a huge fan of everything I’ve come up with.

  • Air - Alone in Kyoto
  • The Ataris - Alone In Santa Cruz
  • Carbon Leaf - When I’m Alone
  • Sufjan Stevens - To be alone with you
  • Snuff - I Think We’re Alone Now
  • Neutral Milk Hotel - Gardenhead/Leave Me Alone
  • The Postal Service - The District Sleeps Alone Tonight (DJ Downfall Remix)
  • Troubled Hubble - To Be Alive and Alone
  • The Strokes - Alone, Together
  • Moby - Sleep Alone
  • Lucero - Sad and Lonely
  • Phantom Planet - Lonely Day
  • DNTEL - Loneliness Is Having No One To Miss
  • Aimee Mann - 1 is the Loneliest Number
  • The Chemical Brothers - Alive Alone
  • Modest Mouse - Alone Down There
  • Squarepusher - Lone Ravers [live In Chelmsford Mix]
  • Beck - Lonesome Tears
  • Filtre - I’m Not The Only One
  • Goo Goo Dolls - Only One (Radio Edit)

Yea as usual that list ranges from songs I adore to songs I don’t even like that much, but again I need enough to fill the time. Any suggestions welcome. And if I’m feeling adventurous I’m going to open up the phones this time, too. If I’m feeling adventurous.

It’s closing in on 10 o’clock and I haven’t made it out of the house yet, so I wonder if I’m going out tonight. Perhaps not. I can just work on Agora stuff, which is satisfying but I sort of wonder if I wouldn’t like some peer contact. I had dinner with the neighbors tonight. They’re very nice people, but I am naturally suspicious of people who are real Midwesterners. Which is strange, since plenty of my friends were born here. There’s just this whole new class of respectable people who I have trouble relating to that get classified as “Midwesterners.” I don’t suppose that’s really a fair characterization. After this dinner I decided that:

  • I will never work in corporate America if I have a title such as “facilitator”
  • I should try to live in a reasonable-sized house when the time comes to pick a place to live
  • Having children may demand too much energy, time, and effort to be feasible/worth it

Close encounters of the respectable kind aside, I have set my eyes on California. I hope to by there by late January or early February, but one never knows. I am dreaming of some warmer weather and beautiful foothills however. But only a little. My dreams themselves have been a little uninspired of late.

They’re sure to be aided by this music, though. Reading through an old post I was reminded of the Barenaked Ladies album “Gordon,” which I am now listening to. It doesn’t bring back memories, I’m a little too grounded still from all the practicalities I’ve been ensnared with recently, but it still evokes the hint of nostalgia. I’ll take what I can get.

Now, then, if only someone would call and drag me out of this house. In the meantime, I think I’ll go read some more of the Redwall book I’ve been rereading. Speaking of memories.

background noise: gordon, barenaked ladies

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