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You know that feeling where something goes wrong, something in your head and your perception of things, and suddenly its all in your head and you can’t stop it and out of nowhere you’re falling, falling, falling, and physically you can’t do anything, phyiscally it begins affecting you, where you want to explode or scream or run or do something to make it stop. I both hate and love that feeling. It provides so much… emotional charge, so much power you can do anything, so long as it fixes the problem. But at the same time you don’t want it to stop, because its such a wonderful, wonderful, beautifully overwhelming emotion.

But then it stops, the moment passes, and you’re now wondering what to do. You want the feeling back, but you’re afraid of it.

Meanwhile I’m listening to Third Eye Blind’s “Motorcycle Drive By” and suddenly there’s another reaction. The sound breeds memories, and now I’m listening to it and they’re all coming back in a rush, and I’m thinking of last summer and all the people I’ve left behind and a trip to Boston that suddenly I’m appreciating for the first time in a while, a formal dance that I smile thinking about and again its the people. A first kiss, a concert in May and a week in the middle of nowhere with some of the best friends I’ve ever known. And I’m wondering what I’ve done, what’s happened, and if its ever going to be the same again. I’m seriously doubting that, and suddenly it’s something that I’m worrying about. Something is over that was, that is, important. There’s a chapter in my life that actually has come to a close, and a definitive one. I guess I’m too used to gradual change.

Of course I get distracted, the song ends, and I no longer have anything to write about.

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